To: Barack
From: John
Date: 2.7.06
Re: Don't Fuck With Me, Kid

Barack,

We have a saying back in Arizona. A city-boy like yourself probably won't understand it, but it goes like this: "If you mess with the bull, you get messed..." No, wait. "Don't mess with..." No... Horns. Something about horns. Whatever, I live in Phoenix. The point is, sleep with one eye open tonight, buddy. Because if you can't stand the heat... well, you know what they say. (I believe it's "stay out of the kitchen," which doesn't appear to apply to this situation, but trust me, Barack: it does. It really does.)

Very sincerely yours,

John

[Thanks to the fine people at On Call for giving me a reason to mention John McCain for the third day in a row.]