"What Would Jesus Eat?":

[Weighty local woman Brenda Nutter] said she found the real diet answer in the pages of a book that held her utmost trust: the Bible.

"I don't have cravings for anything," she said. "Somebody could eat a bag of potato chips in front of me and it wouldn't bother me. Would Jesus eat potato chips? No."

The Bible Diet kit costs $139.99 and contains a video, Bible bars, even prayer cards. The diet preached the benefits of all natural and unprocessed foods, like vegetables and whole grains.

It's worth noting that the banner ad running at the top of the story read: "Abdominal pain or discomfort. Bloating. Constipation. Tried fiber? Tried laxatives? Click here to learn about your symptoms." No word on whether or not the ad was also for the Bible.

Take that, Handgun Control, Inc.!

A Springfield woman who began lobbying against gun violence after her son was shot to death in 2002 was arrested last week when police allegedly found an illegal gun and drugs in her home.

Of all the ways to have your dinner ruined:

Declaring that lawmakers were doing "absolutely nothing" to advance his proposals, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger left the Capitol on Tuesday, drove his Humvee to a chain restaurant and began gathering signatures for ballot initiatives in a theatric kickoff to an election campaign.

Terrorism: Solved.

Airline passengers will no longer be allowed to bring cigarette lighters on board commercial airplanes beginning April 14, ending a security loophole that lawmakers said could be exploited by terrorists seeking to light explosives in the cabin.

Those Greenies sure can be witty:

[A] former Green Party candidate for [Pennsylvania] governor, Michael Morrill, today declared his intention to try out for the position of wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Morrill admits he has no experience in organized football, has only a casual fan's understanding of the game and at age 50 might be a little slow for the National Football League. When asked why he thought he might be qualified to be a wide receiver for the Steelers, Morrill said he was inspired by four-time Super Bowl Champion Lynn Swann. "If Lynn Swann can run for governor with absolutely no public policy experience, why shouldn't I be able to try out for the Steelers?" Morrill responded. Morrill was also asked what he thought his chances were to make the Steelers. "About the same as Swann's chances to be elected governor," he replied.

This made me chuckle. Bush, in 1978:

Social Security "will be bust in 10 years unless there are some changes," [Bush] said, according to an account published the next day in The Midland Reporter-Telegram. "The ideal solution would be for Social Security to be made sound and people given the chance to invest the money the way they feel."