Saturday, November 13, 2004

I don't know which is the more ridiculous part of this story: the fact that this is the entire lead paragraph (under the scandalous header "Pitt QB uses expletive in NBC postgame interview"):

Pittsburgh quarterback Tyler Palko used an expletive during a live postgame interview with NBC after the Panthers upset No. 24 Notre Dame 41-38 Saturday.
Or the fact that this is the entire last paragraph:
Six weeks ago, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. uttered a vulgarity during a postrace interview on NBC at Talladega Superspeedway.
"Six weeks ago," a NASCAR driver "uttered a vulgarity"? He's a goddamn NASCAR driver! We ought to be impressed that he was able to stop chewing tobacco and beating his kids long enough to speak at all! Christ in heaven. And I thought the Janet Jackson uproar was ridiculous...

I wonder how many "unique visitors" this site got today. The non-killing Scott Peterson.

Anyone else think that Nancy Pelosi looks unnervingly like Judge Judy in this picture?

Friday, November 12, 2004

The Boston Phoenix (admittedly, this is like quoting the NYPost) examines Ohio's election results, and finds some funny coincidences:

Of Ohio's 88 counties, 20 suffered a significant reduction - shutting at least 20 percent (or at least 30) of their precincts. Most of those counties have Republicans serving as Board of Elections director, including the four biggest: Cuyahoga, Montgomery, Summit, and Lucas.

Those 20 counties went heavily to Gore in 2000, 53 to 42 percent. The other 68 counties, which underwent little-to-no precinct consolidation, went exactly the opposite way in 2000: 53 to 42 percent to Bush.

Peterson verdict in!

Across the country, millions... continue to not care.

I, personally, am ecstatic. The announcement of the verdict will almost certainly create a "honeymoon," a period of at least a month during which the 24-hour news channels will be forced to spend slightly more time on real news (and - to take the bad with the good - a lot more time on adorable animals doing things they don't usually do) while waiting for Mark Geragos to take on his next client. And like I always say, anything that will keep that horrible Court TV woman off our TV screens for a couple of months is good by me. So long, Scottie!

Robert Blackwill (who has now appeared on this blog three times in four days) will apparently have to do the remainder of his physical and mental harassment in a slightly-less-fancy environment.

Silly-named Pataki strategist Arthur Finkelstein gets spanked for pointing out that the Christian right has a controlling interest in the Republican party:

"Arthur Finkelstein's assessment of the presidential campaign is simply wrong," said Pataki spokeswoman Lisa Stoll, in an unprecedented criticism of the governor's valued campaign strategist.
I guess I understand the politics behind that, but come on, who are they kidding?

Like or dislike her politics, Condi Rice is a real stand-up person.

Robert D. Blackwill, who resigned last week as the White House's top official on Iraq policy, was recently scolded by national security adviser Condoleezza Rice after Secretary of State Colin L. Powell told her that Blackwill appeared to have verbally abused and physically hurt a female embassy staffer during a visit to Kuwait in September, administration officials said.

An administration official familiar with the discussions between Rice and Blackwill said that Rice interviewed Blackwill and NSC staff members present at the incident. The official said there were conflicting accounts about what happened but Rice was concerned enough that she took action to ensure that Blackwill dealt with his colleagues and subordinates appropriately. He declined to describe the actions Rice took, except to say Blackwill agreed with her decision.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

American troops beating the insurgency in Fallujah with farts.

“The US occupation troops are gassing resistance fighters and confronting them with internationally-banned chemical weapons,” resistance sources told Al-Quds Press Wednesday, November 10.

“They use chemical weapons out of despair and helplessness in the face of the steadfast and fierce resistance put up by Fallujah people, who drove US troops out of several districts, hoisting proudly Iraqi flags on them. Resistance has also managed to destroy and set fire to a large number of US tanks and vehicles."

Thoughtful analysis of the South's influence on American politics.

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

The election is over, but we can still make fun of Kerry.

Looks like First Brother Neil ("I didn't know she was a hooker!") will have to step up and take one for the team, if only so that all those "Bush '08" bumper stickers don't go to waste.

[Gov. Jeb] Bush reiterated Tuesday that he's not going to run for the Senate when Florida has a seat up in '06, has no designs on the 2008 presidential race and he's getting tired of the question. So the natural follow-up question?

"Might you change your mind?" asked a reporter.

"No!" the exasperated governor responded as he entered a state Cabinet meeting Tuesday morning. "Why am I not believable on this subject? This is driving me nuts."

Shades of Ugly Naked Guy in Georgetown.

Now that National Security Council aide Robert Blackwill, President Bush's point man on Iraq, is leaving behind the rigors of government service, will he finally find time to purchase curtains for his Georgetown home? His neighbors, who tell us they've seen far too much of him while he dresses, sure hope so. "We're not prudes. We're not hung up about the human body, but it's just common politeness to not present yourself naked to other people without their permission," says Francis Brooke, who lives with his wife and three kids in a townhouse across from Blackwill's. "It's a bit much. My daughter is 8 years old."

Another neighbor, who asked not to be identified, told us: "I've seen something that no man should see at 6:30 in the morning." He laughed. "I couldn't eat my breakfast." - Hang in there, America!

We do have Mr. Bush for four more years. So rest up, stay motivated, and let's continue the fight for a wise, progressive America where "moral values" means reducing -- not increasing -- poverty; where compassion is never "conservative"; where government is always on the side of the people, not the powerful; and where America truly reflects Gandhi's words: "My notion of democracy is that under it the weakest shall have the same opportunities as the strongest."
Only 1,539 days left!

Clearly, the solution to all of our woes: Kerry '08!

Less than a week after conceding defeat to President Bush, Sen. John F. Kerry is calling key Democratic donors to lay the groundwork for a political organization that would give him a voice in national politics and position him for another White House run in 2008, close associates say.
Good grief.

The Onion: Nation's Poor Win Election For Nation's Rich:

"The Republican party - the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite - would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."

Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty - or, for that matter, good sense."

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Nick Kristoff on Wednesday: Living Poor, Voting Rich.

One of the Republican Party's major successes over the last few decades has been to persuade many of the working poor to vote for tax breaks for billionaires. Democrats are still effective on bread-and-butter issues like health care, but they come across in much of America as arrogant and out of touch the moment the discussion shifts to values.