Saturday, October 30, 2004

A great line from one of the founders of

"It's not that we are apathetic. It's that we're lazy," Hong said about younger voters.

In celebration of Halloween: Bush Dress-Up.

The IRS announces an investigation into the NAACP's tax-exempt status, based on an anti-Bush speech given at the Association's national convention this summer after the President refused to speak there. The IRS, whose irony switch is apparently set to "off," claims the speech was improperly political. reports that Bush and Kerry (who are actually 9th cousins, twice removed) are both distant relatives of Prince Vlad the Impaler, the model for Bram Stoker's Dracula.

P. Diddy "guest starred" on South Park this past Wednesday, using a Vote or Die rap to convince Stan to vote in his school's select-a-mascot race. The lyrics, as transcribed by yours truly:

Vote or die, motherfucker,
Motherfucker, vote or die.
Rock the vote or else I’m gonna
Stick a knife through your eye.
Democracy is founded on one simple rule:
Get out there and vote or I will motherfucking kill you.

I like it when you vote, bitch (bitch),
Shake them titties when you vote, bitch (bitch),
I’ll slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof),
Now get your big ass in the voting booth.

[Spoken] I said vote, bitch, before I fucking kill you.

Vote or die, motherfucker,
Motherfucker, vote or die.
You can’t run from a .38, go ahead and try.

Let your opinion be heard, you gotta make a choice,
‘Cause after I slit your throat you won’t have a fucking voice.

Vote or die.
Vote or die.

Friday, October 29, 2004

First the constant references to God, now this... I like Schilling a lot less with each passing day.

Why interparty relationships never work (alternately: why relationships with Republican Marines never work):

Steven Soper liked his girlfriend, but authorities say he liked President Bush more.

When his girlfriend suggested this week she wanted to vote for John Kerry, officials allege it was too much for the 18-year-old Bush supporter. A political argument prompted him to end their two-year relationship - and that was just for starters.

Sheriff's officials say Soper, a Marines recruit, later became so upset that he dragged 18-year-old Stacey Silveira into his suburban Lake Worth home, beat her and held her hostage with a screwdriver.

In the spirit of last-minute undecided-voter-outreach, Bush and Kerry will both appear on Monday's Sportscenter, to discuss such weighty issues as "ticket prices and publicly funded stadiums."

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Awesome, awesome Flash animation.

Our next president: the Lord of the Dance.

The Onion: "Republicans Urge Minorities to Get Out and Vote on Nov. 3"

A NY public affairs company has "conducted an unconventional survey" of likely voters:

The survey asked 1200 consumers to associate the Republican and Democratic candidates with popular brands. Likely voters associated Bush with Folgers coffee and Kerry to Starbucks.

Bush was an IBM computer, and Kerry was a Dell. Among undecided voters, Kerry was a Target store, while Bush was K-Mart.

There is not a fan in existence big enough to handle the amount of shit that would hit it if this comes true:

Tuesday's election will probably be decided in 11 states where polls currently show the race too tight to predict a winner. And, assuming the other states go as predicted, a computer analysis finds no fewer than 33 combinations in which those 11 states could divide to produce a 269 to 269 electoral tie.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Damn, this judge is cool.

A judge threw a party complete with balloons, streamers and a cake to welcome a former fugitive back to her court -- and sentence him to life in prison.

"You just made my day when I heard you had finally come home," Criminal Courts Judge Faith Johnson told Billy Wayne Williams, who had been convicted in absentia of aggravated assault after he disappeared a year ago. "We're so excited to see you, we're throwing a party for you."

Amusing Google bomb: "Bill O'Reilly book"

Seriously, how does a guy like Alan Keyes become a nationally-known politician?

Republican U.S. Senate candidate Alan Keyes will not repeat his assertion that more black babies are aborted than born, his campaign said, now that he has been shown statistics contradicting the claim.

Ahnold cracks wise at the Massachusetts Democrats:

"My kids just brought home a beautiful pumpkin, but you know what? I'm going to return it because it's a Democratic pumpkin. It has the orange color of John Kerry's tan, and the roundness of Teddy Kennedy," Schwarzenegger said, poking fun at his uncle-in-law's girth.

Dave Beckwith, a BC04 spokesman in Ohio, waxes diplomatic:

Beckwith admits that the Democrats have registered more new voters than the Republicans, but he says that their work was done by "mercenaries"—and they have "people signed up by crack addicts"—while his side employs volunteers, or "liberty-loving free men." Beckwith then drifts into a reverie about the Battle of San Jacinto and explains how Sam Houston knew that "conscripts" and the forces of "despotism" couldn't defeat free men. The enemy was saying, "Me no Alamo," Beckwith says with a laugh. (At another moment in the interview, Beckwith observes of the Kerry-Edwards campaign offices, "I think they're on Gay Street, which is interesting, because we're on Rich Street.")

Every political office in the United States, up for auction on eBay. (Odds this auction is taken down by the time anyone actually clicks on this link: pretty good.)

A long, occasionally-frightening, often-amusing article about the insanity that is Lyndon LaRouche.

LaRouche maintained that the convictions were engineered to silence him politically and set him up to be murdered in prison. He survived. One of his cellmates was disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker, who later described LaRouche as amusing, erudite and convinced their cell was bugged. "To say that Lyndon was slightly paranoid," Bakker wrote in his autobiography, "would be like saying the Titanic had a bit of a leak."

Monday, October 25, 2004

John Kerry, desperately attempting to make himself less attractive to Democratic voters, has started carrying The Good Book:

These days, he carries a Bible, a gift from former senator Max Cleland (D-Ga.), inscribed: "To John, God has called you to lead. Let Him lead you."

John Thune, continuing his pursuit of "South Dakota Values," places a campaign ad on a gay porn site called "Shirtless Just4U." Oh, the backpedaling...