The Onion: Nation's Poor Win Election For Nation's Rich:

"The Republican party - the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite - would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."

Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty - or, for that matter, good sense."