Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to present your brand new, freshly minted House majority leader: Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio)!

He's doing it for the power, sure; he's doing it for the cushy office, past which all the tourists must file; and he's doing it for those daily chin-wags with the chinful Denny Hastert. But most of all - and this is what moves me - most of all, he's doing it for the kids. For the kids!