This just in: former First Children are generally big giant weenies:

"Children of presidents have led armies, written bestselling books, run universities, served in the Cabinet. Eight went to Congress, seven have been ambassadors and now two have become presidents. But they have also suffered higher-than-average rates of divorce, alcoholism, suicide and premature death. I interviewed 19 of the 27 living children and they all agreed: The disadvantages outweigh the advantages."

Gee, I hope I can stop these tears of sympathy long enough to find my tiny, tiny violin.