Apropos of nothing, here are three sports-related things that made me laugh, and one sports-related thing that made me sad:

• The Onion News Network: NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team ("Reggie, when Ovechkin started out in the NHL, do you think he ever dreamed he'd be able to play sports professionally one day?")
• Fire Joe Morgan: Heaven Is Reading This HatGuy Column ("Yes, 'twas a fine time. The baseball men would laze about, drunk on molasses moonshine, cheeks puffed with tobacco crabgrass. No coloreds were allowed, and the only women were the Lace Tutu Girls, whose sole purpose was to light your cigar and freshen your martini -- toplessly, of course. Ah, 1988.")
• The Onion: Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda ("Although McConnell had no evidence at the time that Zimmerman was responsible for the damages, he was the chief suspect, as he is the only National able to hit the ball farther than 300 feet.")
• E:60: Down and Out? TCU defensive end Tommy Blake's struggle with mental illness absolutely destroyed his NFL draft value. The mental illness in question? Depression. "There are some teams that just won't deal with it," says former NFL GM Randy Mueller. Sad.