According to this fascinating exposé,¹ taciturn Little League coach Sam Alito routinely forced his players to refer to him as "Coach Sam," as if they were four years old, or mentally disabled. Said Alito, when asked if that might have been a little callous, "Those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going."²

1 - Not actually an exposé.
2 - Not actually a quote.